Being a Wrestling Fan

(This is for any wrestling fan who knows 1 or more people who love to point how “fake” wrestling is or how it isn’t real. I am talking directly to them.)

If you haven’t noticed already, I love wrestling. This love brings a share of comments from enlightened individuals who must gain about 100 IQ points when they turn on their computer. By the way, this is the best way to piss off any wrestling fan.

“Hey…did you know that ‘rasslin’ is fake? Ay-huck, it’s not real.”

By saying this statement, you prove two things:
1. You think I’m a blind retard.
2. You are an idiot who probably enjoys pointing out supposedly obvious things in order to feel somewhat more intelligent and dignified.

I’m not blind. I (and most other individuals over the age of 13) realize that wrestling is choreographed, scripted, and researched somewhat. A wrestler takes cues and says lines from a script. Duh. This has been common knowledge for a while now. You’re not cool for pointing it out to me. Just a redundant assclown.

For point #2, you’re an idiot because fake isn’t even the correct word to use. Fake is not a good word. Fake can be used to describe: breasts, certain women who act drunk at bars, concession speeches from politicians, and your intellect but not wrestling. Simply put, you get hurt wrestling. No, not rarely but often. It’s not easy to take a bump off the ring canvas or fall from the apron or go through an announce table. Even the most protected “spots” are extremely dangerous. A clothesline (when a wrestler runs over someone with their arm)? It actually hits. The person falls correctly but you do get hit by the arm.

Don’t believe me? Ok, go outside and take a big mat with you. Put it next to your car (especially if you have a SUV). Get on top of the car and jump on the mat, landing on your back. If you didn’t die or knock the wind out of you, kudos. Now imagine doing that constantly. 250 days a year. I’m sure, after a while, you’d start to re-think the whole “fake” thing. Perception is key. If you call wrestling “fake” because it is scripted and things are known ahead of time, then you should call every single freaking non “reality” show you watch fake as well. Be fair. Obviously, “Grey’s Anatomy”, besides from being boring, is “fake” too. Yet, people have the idiotic inclination to want to point out that wrestling, in particular, is fake. What people will do for self-empowerment.

Now, I didn’t mention the last reason why you’re an idiot for pointing this out. The fact is wrestling is somewhat popular. RAW, around longer than most of the TV shows you have ever watched, is the #1 rated ads-based regular cable show and has been for a while. PPVs do verrry well and the WWF essentially put the PPV market on its back. Wrestling is extremely popular internationally especially in the Middle and Far East. By saying wrestling is fake, you are insulting people at a global level and making yourself look like a douche so…get informed, realize that people of all walks of life just like to sit in front of the tv for about an hour or two and be entertained.  Not everyone will be kind about it like me

Thoughts on: WWE Raw 6/16/08

What: WWE Raw

When: June 16th, 2008
Where: Salt Lake City
Why?: To make us believe that giving away a million dollars is worth the priceless torture of shitty feuds with little build, crappy wrestling, and staleness.

My thoughts on Raw:
-Easily the biggest pop I’ve seen for Cena in…ever…
-The HHH/Cena promo, while forced at times, was intense enough to convince the crowd that it’s worth cheering for their match at NOC. It seems repetitive since Cena has dominated the title since 06 and HHH can screw Creative over at anytime but this matchup hasn’t happened too much since Cena debuted. Interesting to see who wins a face on face even though Mr. Mcmahon-Helmsley seems to be hinting at a heel turn.
-HHH channeling the IWC mentioning how most Cena fans won’t be able to see him in the main event because it will be past their bed times
-Vince McMahon, in a recurring theme, destroys all momentum that RAW can build up by this “The Vince is Right” shit.
Match 1: Street Fight – John Cena vs Umaga. Eh. It was a good match and all but I really don’t like matches where there is no suspense. You figured Cena was going to win since Umaga has been jobbing since he was on his undefeated streak but they gave a decent effort and threw some neat spots in there. What can you expect the week before a Draft?
Summertime Beach Bikini Blow Out aka the parents in the crowd akwardly trying to be excited and explain to their kids and themselves why they agreed to spend money to tickets in the first place: Filler but good for the eyes. They all dance. Melina looks hot as hell. So does everyone else really sans Gillian Idol. Charlie Haas Mizain did well as a host and he didn’t say Hoo-rah so points for him. In the end, Maria won and everyone went home happy…until the next boring money segment.
-Good video package as usual from the WWE featuring the history of Jericho and Michaels.
-Yessssss@Duggan’s 2×4 having a tux. Best part of the money segments tonight.
Match 2: Jeff Hardy vs Carlito. Another decent match as you would expect and Carlito didn’t phone it in for once. Carlito still needs to go to Smackdown though.
-Chris Jericho aka Bret Hart blames the fans for making him do bad and draws decent heel heat until WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ric Flair! Yesss! He comes out, does a promo in 2 minutes that most wrestlers couldn’t pull out in 10 and draws Jericho to the back where he runs into his Lordship, Triple H.
-Ugh. Flair got punked out. Way to respect a Hall of Famer by getting him ejected, Vince.
Match 3: Cody Rhodes/Hardcorde Holly vs Cryme Tyme: Blah. The Million Dollar Kid, Ted DiBiase, comes out. Cryme Tyme, in backwards booking, gets distracted and Holly and Rhodes gets the pin. Ok.
-Lmfao. $16. Pwnt. She’ll probably get some sort of compensation for that
Match 4: Katie Lea and Paul Burchill vs Mickie James (yum) and Mr. Kennedy: Good match and great flow with all four wrestlers. A little herky-jerky because of the mixed tag rules but you can tell that both gender pairs would have good matches one on one. Btw, Katie Lea is smokin’ too and her backbreaker is pretty good.
-Wow. Alana sounds like she just won a million dollars. That’s good for her. Good to see someone mark for money, not for wrestling.
-Run down of the card so far at NOC. It’s ok even though I see nothing too thrilling. If Hornswaggle wins, I riot.
Match 5: Triple H vs Chris Jericho. Finally, the WWE seemingly is going to push Lance Cade. He just needs the right booking and he could get good heat. He’s got the talent. The match was decent but just set up the beat down at the end with Jericho getting his revenge with a swerve. I liked it. Jericho got over strong, Cena and HHH were preserved because of the cowardly heel behind attack, and Cade got an instant push. Good job WWE.
Overall…a good RAW if you completely don’t count the Million Dollar Mania.